I’ve heard it a hundred times, “Coach doesn’t like me.” “The system’s political.” “I’m not getting the same opportunities.” I’ve heard players say it, I’ve heard parents whisper it, and honestly, I’ve thought it myself. It’s easy to point fingers when things don’t go your way. But here’s what I’ve learned watching my sons climb through this game: the system isn’t what decides your outcome. Your accountability does.
Both of my boys had stretches where it would’ve been easy to blame someone else. They had coaches who were hard on them, lineups that didn’t favor their skillsets, and seasons where playing time felt unfair. But instead of pointing outward, they eventually learned to look inward. That shift — from frustration to accountability — changed everything.
When my oldest son finished his prep year, he didn’t have a single Division I offer. Just one JUCO took a chance on him, and even then, it didn’t feel like the right fit. The system was different, the coaching was intense, and nothing came easy. It would’ve been simple to say, “This coach doesn’t believe in me,” or “They’re holding me back.” But he didn’t. He looked at himself first. He studied film, rebuilt his shot, and adjusted to a system that demanded discipline. Over two years, that environment — the one that once felt wrong — ended up shaping him into a consistent shooter and a mentally tougher player.
My younger son went through his own version of that. After prep, he also found himself without a single offer and plenty of reasons to feel overlooked. But instead of blaming the system, he doubled down on what he could control. He hit the gym early, leaned into the work, and found peace in the process. Eventually, the results spoke for themselves — he earned his way up, level by level, until he was competing at the highest stage.
Both of them could have spent years talking about who didn’t believe in them. Instead, they focused on becoming the type of players who made belief unnecessary. Accountability gave them power.
That’s the lesson too many players miss today. Everyone wants to talk about exposure, politics, and favoritism. But the truth is, every level has politics. Every level has opinions you can’t control. Accountability means saying, “I’m still going to find a way.” It’s choosing work over excuses. It’s realizing that coaches notice effort, consistency, and body language more than highlight clips.
I’ve seen a lot of talented players fade out because they never mastered that mindset. They could play, but they couldn’t handle ownership. The moment things didn’t go their way, they pointed outward instead of inward. But the ones who make it — at any level — are the ones who learn to self-correct. They don’t wait for sympathy or validation. They adjust, they grow, and they outlast the noise.
My sons learned that lesson the hard way — through rejection, hard coaching, and seasons that didn’t go as planned. But those were the same seasons that built their foundation. Accountability didn’t just change their careers; it changed who they became as men.
So if you’re a player or a parent reading this, remember: you can’t out-complain your circumstances. You can only out-work them. Stop blaming the system. Start owning the standard. Because once you take full responsibility for your growth, no coach, system, or circumstance can stop you.