Not all coaches have your child’s development in mind. A good majority are playing to win now, not planning for your child’s long-term growth. That’s not a knock on coaches, winning is their job, but sometimes the “win now” mindset can come at the price of a kid’s confidence or development.
As parents, that’s hard to watch. We want our kids to succeed. We want to see them on the floor, celebrated, winning awards, but the truth is this journey takes patience.
Our Family’s Story
My younger son went from no offers after high school, to no offers after prep school, to being told he wasn’t good enough by two JUCOs. He kept working. He became a First Team All-American in the JUCO ranks, then Player of the Year in his D1 conference, and today he’s playing at a high-major program.
My older son’s path was just as winding. No offers after high school. One JUCO offer after prep. Mild success at JUCO level. Then two years at a D2 sitting on the bench with single-digit playing time. In his third year he broke out, averaging 19 points a game. Because of COVID he got another year of eligibility and now plays at a mid-major D1 school.
What It Felt Like as a Parent
During those years when they were overlooked, I almost felt powerless and I was the one training my boys. After a game of no minutes, being passed over, it would tear at my heart. I’d drive home wondering if I’d failed them, wondering what else I could do.
The only solace was that I’m a fighter. My response to my kids was always, “Let’s get back in the gym and work. We’re going to force the coaches to change their mind.” One of the hardest things in the world to do is to change a coach’s opinion once he’s already decided what your athlete is. But we kept showing up. Kept stacking days. Kept believing when no one else did.
I don’t share my boys journeys to brag about their accomplishments although I am incredibly proud. I shared it to show what’s possible when you don’t give up, when you bet on yourself even after being overlooked, and when parents support their kids through the low points instead of bailing or panicking.
The Hardest Lesson for Parents
It’s easy to believe coaches define your athlete’s value. It’s easy to feel behind when another kid your child plays with gets accolades, offers, or recognition first. But what you’re seeing is just a snapshot.
The long game is what matters. Character. Habits. Grit. A love for the process.
If we had listened to the coaches who told my sons they weren’t good enough or if we’d let bitterness take over when they were overlooked their journeys would look completely different.
My Message to You
The long game isn’t just for athletes it’s for parents too.
Stay patient.
There will be challenges.
There will be moments when you want to scream, quit, or switch paths.
But hang in there.
Support your child, help them grow, and hold them accountable. Help them understand what life is really about: resilience, discipline, patience, and believing in yourself when no one else does.
The “win” might not show up right away — but it will show up for those who keep stacking days and developing the right way.
Resources to Support Your Athlete
Based on my experience over the years, I’ve created some resources that grew out of what worked for us:
- Core 5 – The five pillars that built our family’s athlete development system. This playbook helps you set habits, priorities, and a structure that stands up to the ups and downs.
👉 Check out Core 5 here
- From Bench to Breakthrough – A roadmap for athletes who feel overlooked or stuck on the bench. This playbook covers mindset, micro-reps, and strategies to stay ready so opportunity never passes you by.
👉 Get From Bench to Breakthrough here
These are simply the tools I wish I’d had when we were grinding through the early years. If they can make your journey a little smoother, they’re here for you.